Favorite Country Western Songs


My John Deere was Breaking Your Field,
While your Dear John was Breaking My Heart!

You're the Reason Our Kids are So Ugly!

You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped that Sucker Flat!

Do You Love as Good as You Look?

I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life!

I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling!

I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love All Over Me!

I Keep Forgetting', I Forgot About You!

I Wanna Whip Your Cow!

I'm Just a Bug on the Windshield of Life!

If I Can't be Number One in your Life,
Then Number Two on You!

If Love was Oil, I'd be a Quart Low!

If My Nose Was Full of Nickels,
I'd Blow It All On You!

If the Phone Don't Ring, Baby,
You'll Know It's Me!

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend,
And I Sure Do Miss Him!

Thank God and Greyhound, She's Gone!

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart!

When You Leave, Walk Out Backwards,
So I'll Think You're Walkin' In!

She Got the Gold Mine and I Got the Shaft;
She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger!

She Made Toothpicks Out of the Timbers of My Heart!

I've Got the Hungries For Love,
And I'm Waitin' in Your Welfare Line!

Get Your Biscuits in the Oven, And Your Buns in the Bed!

I Just Bought a Car From a Guy that Stole My Girl,
But the Car Don't Run, so I Figure We Got An Even Deal!

I Liked You Better, Before I Knew You So Well!

I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better!

I Wouldn't Take Her to a Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win!

I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight!

I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here!

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out by Now!


There was a medical student specializing in pathology who truly wanted to excel in his studies. Without fail, he would visit the school's path lab daily, following his classes, to do extra work. One evening he uncovered a cadaver only to notice a cork plugging its rectum. Curious, he removed the cork and heard, "On the road again, I just can't wait to get on the road again...". Startled, he replaced the cork. Curiosity soon got the best of him and he, once again, removed the cork. Again, he heard the same tune, "On the road again, I just can't wait to get on the road again..."

He could stand it no more. He replaced the cork, covered the cadaver and raced upstairs to his professor's office. He persuaded the man to accompany him back to the lab. Once there, the student again uncovered the cadaver and displayed the corked rectum.

The professor looked unfazed. When the student removed the cork, the same tune emanated, "On the road again, I just...". The professor looked bored and started to walk away. The student was aghast at this casual response. He said to the professor, "Don't you find this amazing?"

The professor replied, "Not really, most any asshole can sing Country Western."


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